MoR Than Over
by MelloLawliet
Summary: Diary Entries. Mello's POV.What the hell is going on in Whammys? Rape? Old man pervyness? What's going on? Mello needs to save Matt before things get bad! Will he find him in time? Rated M for LEMONY GOODNESS! MELLOXMATT
1. November 13, 2005

November 13, 2005

Well, seems today is a friday... Not any old friday. But a friday the 13th. Just so happens that today I decided to take record in a diary to keep track of things, or when I'm much older to look back at things and laugh at some of the completely stupid things that I did. Well on with today. To others here... They hated this day like most people do. But people here hate it for a different reason. Me of course. Today was my day. I cause most trouble on this day. I love playing tricks on people, like putting things in their soup at lunch, and critters in their bed at night. No one dared to mess with me. Me... My name is Mello. But here in the orphanage we use screen names for protection. My real name I cannot tell, sorry about that. Just making sure that if anybody finds this diary will never know. I'm only 13 right now. So I have my whole life ahead of me. Goodbye for now. Night time.


	2. December 13, 2005

December 13, 2005

Well it's been a full month since I last wrote in here... Due to Roger, the orphanage owner that had taken it away from me. I'm not sure why... I did nothing of my knowing. I don't really have much to say either. Not much happened besides some new kid coming here. His name is Matt. He's a video game addict like I'm an addict to chocolate. We actually don't have much different about each other besides our choice of dress. He, wearing a white and black striped shirt and weird jacket. His pants looked normal enough to me. His attitude is quiet and somewhat like mine, being rude and likes making mischief around places. Matt isn't his real name, for the same reason me not telling you mine is the same reason I didn't tell you his. He's really nice to me. Usually the new kids are afraid of my appearance. Wearing all black, and boots that make really loud noises due to two metal plates that I had put on the bottom to make the noise louder when I walked. he wasn't afraid of me. He actually seemed quite fond of me actually. Oh yea... Today is my birthday too... I'm fourteen now.. No big deal.


	3. December 16, 2005

December 16, 2005

Well x-mas is getting closer everyday. I'm wondering if I should get something for the new kid. I know... I shouldn't be thinking of such things. usually I don't act like this. Actually... I don't talk like this at all. I'm mean, crude, and honestly don't give a shit about anything. Am I going soft for the new guy? Oh god I hope not. I have a secret that I don't want anybody to know until I'm ready to tell them. It just might involve the new guy. Oh well... Who cares about that at the moment Well, I finally got to talk to Matt. I should actually call him by his name than new kid. He didn't have much to say to me seeing that his video games are more important than his surroundings. I think he was playing Mario Cart... Probably his favorite game. I know for a fact that when people make their first appearances and that they're ultimate gamers... They always play their favorite game. he apparently has an addiction to them to. Because every time I see him... He's playing his game boy. It's late so far my life isn't entertaining. So need to fill two pages. Night.


	4. December 17, 2005

December 17, 2005

Ok... Today's a new day and probably have a lot to say. Maybe two pages... Yea well here's what happened. I was at breakfast this morning in the cafeteria of Wammy's House. Yes... Enjoying my chocolate pudding... Matt came up to me with his food and sat down next to me. I looked away from him as of ignoring him, and continued eating my chocolate pudding. He looked at me and asked how I was. I looked at him and said I was fine, and gave him a death glare. Matt didn't flinch. I was surprised that he didn't go away. "No need for being rude... I'm not here to be a neuscence or anything" he said to me and smiled. I looked at the chocolate pudding on his tray of food. "You gonna eat that pudding?" I asked. He shook his head and gave it to me. "Is that all you eat is chocolate?" he asked. I said no. He looked at me and frowned slightly. I asked him what was wrong. He said that he had something to tell me but he was afraid because there were so many people around. You know our ages. Me fourteen and him thirteen and three quarters. He will be fourteen on February the first... I gained that much knowledge about him so far. And... His real name. Well anyways... I asked him what his question was... His response, "I don't think I should ask this yet... So never mind about it ok..." I found it funny and said, "Alright." We didn't say anything else for the rest of breakfast. I had left and went back to my room. But later that day I guess he stopped by my room. I let him in and we talked for quite a while. I think that I am soft for him now after what had happened. No! Damn it! I can't let that happen! Ugh... he probably figured out my secret already... He probably went through my binder for history class and read what I had written down on one of the deep pages in one of my notebooks. That's not a good thing to me... What if he tells somebody... But you never know. He told me that he found out... He said he would never tell a soul about it. I don't know why I believed him... He just seems like the kind of person that keeps secrets... Especially ones like mine. I might write in in here soon. My secret I mean... But for now... I won't... Night.


	5. December 20, 2005

December 20, 2005

Yea ok... I lost my journal... It wasn't taken from me this time... But stolen sort of... Matt had found it and apparently read it... I didn't think he'd be so interesting in me. The cover of my journal is just plain black with a tiny white cross in the top right corner. Everybody would know that it's mine... Would anybody really read it is what I'm wondering. Besides him I mean. There's nothing really interesting in this at the moment besides the fact that I'm going soft for Matt. I think he's soft for me already. I might test him later tonight. I'll sneak into his room and do something. I'm not sure yet... But something. I'll probably kiss him. Just to see how he'll respond to it... I can't write much tonight because I need to get my idea for Matt done tonight before I get tired. I'll write more in the morning if I can. Night.


	6. December 21, 2005

December 21, 2005

Ok... this is morning... I can't believe I did it... Or he did it... Well he was sleeping and I made sure that he was. I leaned over his sleeping form and kissed his lips softly. And of course, the next thing I know is that he's awake and kissing me back with a little more force. It was like I lost control of my body for a moment. I decided to deepen the kiss by licking his bottom lip. He must have heard me come into the room and faked sleeping... He opened his lips and licked my tongue. This just feels strange talking about this... yea... I brought myself to tell him last night, and bringing myself to write it in here... My secret that would ruin my reputation... I'm just wondering what would happen when somebody found out... I'm gay... I do believe... I told him that I liked him too, and it turns out he's gay as well... And he also likes me. I'm happy... Heh.. As awkward as me being happy... I'm not supposed to be like this. What the fuck is wrong with me. There's no word really in my vocabulary how to describe how happy I am. I'm having trouble hiding it.. Which is a serious problem. Matt and I are dating now... I wonder how this will turn out...

A.N.: I noticed that I've been getting lots of story alerts xD Thanks you guys! I hope this story will turn out better than my others. I'm taking writing classes right now so they should be much better. Keep reviewing! It makes the world go round and makes me happier and my stories more interesting. Thanks guys! It means a lot!


	7. December 22, 2005

December 22, 2005

I wonder if he's enjoying his time with me... Today we skipped a class... Something I'd never do. But this was a good cause for me I guess. We apparently were noticed later in the day by the teacher of that class. It doesn't matter. It **was** a good cause... We made out in the janitors closet. It was sweet, by saying that, I mean literally. he tasted like candy! Cherry candy... I tasted like chocolate, he told me. Chocolate and cherry... Good combination. I like cherries... I just never get the chance to eat them anymore. Chocolate covered cherries are the best. When that time of year comes around, I take as many boxes as I can and stash them in my room. I'll just right out and say it here... I'm no virgin... My first time was with this dude named Near. he's still around. We just are rivals now. He just seems to be better than me. Except during sex. I was always dominant. It was when I was 12. I do believe it was an accident. An innocent accident. I'm hoping that this time. It might be an innocent accident with my Matty...

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A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! w I adore them! My story is going to an awkward place.. And yea the chapters are short ; Because I write them in school and run out of things to say. Plus I write all of these out first before I type them so.. I get writers cramp **so** much. And yes... it sucks. Keep reviewing people! I love them x3 Story watch plz!


	8. December 24, 2005

December 24, 2005

Yesterday, everybody in Whammy's got to go shopping at the mall for getting somebody something for x-mas. I got my Matty something. I'm sure he'll like it. I hope he'll like it... it was so expensive... I save up my allowance's from the entire year and spend things on my friends. I hardly have many... so... I don't hve to spend much. But this year... x-mas was expensive for me. And I'll have to get Matty something for his 14th birthday too. February... I'll get him something very special. I wont write his present down in here incase he finds this later today. I love him... I really do.. I hope he's not bluffing when he says he loves me.. I don't get what the idea of x-mas is really... i'm hearing every year that it's about this guy was born tomorrow. So what And so he claimed to heal the sick when he touched them... And what ever the fuck else. They make us read the bible here. My perspective of that stupid book of shit, is that a old fat dude wanted to get rich and be noticed and make everybody change beliefs... Why can't people just realize it for themselves... God did **not**__ create you! Your father fucking your mother created you. The earth... It just evolved... It has always been here... Always! there is no proof that god exists! No proof what so ever! But the problem of what I'm trying to figure out... Is that, where do we go after we die? I asked Roger that question 3 years ago... he said "Well you know Mello... Once you're dead... You wont care where you're at." I found it funny when he said that. I always thought of being dead was like sleeping. But would we be dreaming? Dreaming is just images projecting in the brain... But when we're dead.. Yea.. The brain is rotting and is like... Not gonna be there... So I'm worried... Is there even such thing as a soul? Will our soals take us away to a far away land? Or will we haunt people in the place we're killed I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I'm sort of a death worshiper... Grim. I'm not sure though... Wondering how I got into this subject. Oh well... I hope he likes his gift... Wondering if he got me anything...

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A/N: Sorry for the anti-god thing .;; Sorry christians . Don't flag me please. Thanks for reviews! Keep story watching! w It makes the world go round and keeps me writing!


	9. December 25, 2005

December 25, 2005

I got many things today. But my favorite thing I got is from Matty. He got me a rosary... I don't know why seeing that I just wrote yesterday that I wasn't religious and all. But I love it. I'll hold it and always remember him; Matty. Oh god I sound like a pansy... What the fuck.. I must be losing it. I need to do some self discipline... Hm.. I do believe he loved his gift I got him... An iPod touch... 399.98... Four hundred dollars... Minus two cents... He owes me big time. He jumped up and threw his arms around me, laughing. I smiled faintly, to the others around trying to keep my main look. They were surprised when I didn't push him away. That was probably a mistake. I should have pushed him away. Oh well... I had a fun day. I usually don't get people things either.

A/N: I noticed that Mello says 'Oh well' a lot.. I'll have to refrain from that. Plus I have to cut back on the '...'s' Dx I can't though. It's to hard. Neehhhh.. This is really short.. I used up like three quarters of a paper trying to write something... It was in language arts I wrote this so... No wonder.. We probably had something going on like a movie.. Keep reviewing! And keep story watching! It makes the world go round and me happy w And makes my stories longer and more interesting!


	10. December 31, 2005

December 31, 2005

I don't know why... But I don't feel like writing at all today.. Maybe it's the fact that I have a stomach ache and writers cramp from all the assignments that were do in the last few days. Near's jealous about me and Matt. Though me and Matt haven't had sex yet like me and Near, he's still jealous.

He came up to me today and was all "I'm jealous. You have Matt and now you no longer pay attention to me. I'm wondering why?"

"Because me and Matt are more than friends and we need to spend as much time together as we can." I responded.

And as much as the jackass Near is... He responded, "You and Matt have sex? Yes?"

I shook my head saying no.

"Then why spend time with him? You're planning to have sex with him soon?" He asked. "Not any time soon. I'm thinking about his birthday to do it" I responded truthfully. "When will that be?" He asked. I got annoyed, "February the first! Now go away!" He went away.

It's the truth that I'm thinking about doing it on his birthday if we're still together by then. That might be his present I'll get him. I'm happy it's new years eve and everybody is up and awake waiting for the countdown. Matty's sitting next to me but I'm making sure he isn't seeing what I'm writing. Probably a good thing I don't even bother to look around to see if anybodies staring at me. I'm honestly getting the feeling that nobody cares that if people are gay or not. There's so many bisexuals here in Wammys already and nobody seems to care. it's just... It's me... I don't know how people would take it... I believe that my reputation on being mean and badass will go away due to opinion.

I'm thinking if I should put on an act. Pretend to be gay... Or pretend that it's an act... Then say it's only fake to see how people would think. One of my friends is sick... Oh she can't breathe.. Something's going on.. I'll write tomorrow...


	11. January 15, 2006

January 15, 2006

I'm so embarrassed... Roger found my journal... He now knows... He confiscated it for two weeks. And isolated me in my room for the two weeks... And I wasn't allowed to see Matt for two weeks. I just got all my privileges back today...

Roger's so mean to us. He also kept me away from Near. Nobody was allowed to visit me.

Before he did anything, he brought me, Matt, and Near into his office and talked to us. Embarrassing as hell. It seemed that he just brought us in there for his own sexual pleasures considering some of the things he made us do...

I'll explain everything as thoroughly as I can... Oh yea, Matt was also isolated in his room for two weeks, as well as Near, I forgot to mention...

So we were all in our separate rooms. When roger came and got me. Matt and Near were beside him, "Come into my office." he told me. I did not refuse.

Oh god was the walk to his office a death quiet. I could hear Matt's trembling, or it was probably mine... I was scared shitless! I swear! So then once we were in his office, he told us to take our seats. Three chairs in front of his desk we sat down in, shaking. I highly doubt Near was showing any sign of being nervous at all.. So then I'm speaking for me and Matt. But how would I know how scared they were!? I was to busy trembling to my own extent.

Roger held up my diary, tilting his head. "Mello.. This is yours. Is it not?" He asked.

I nodded, "Yes t-that's... m-mine." I stuttered.

Roger straightened himself up in his chair and cleared his throat, "Why do you write such things?"

I stayed silent... I felt like a deer in headlights. I hated being the center of attention if it was something like this.

"How about you read it to us?" Roger asked.

"NO!" I shouted, "I'm NOT reading it out loud..."

"Then I'll just give it to them to read?"

"NO!! DON'T!!" I slammed my hands down on Rogers desk in front of me. "Don't..."

"Well then..." He set my diary down in front of me, "You may have it back. But you are not allowed to leave yet... If all in your diary that you say is true.. Do you have any proof that it's true? This skipping class and making out in the janitors closet?" Roger looked at me then back at Matt. Near just sat there like nothing was happening. "Can you prove that you're really gay?"

I immediately stood up and yelled, "Thats insane! And a violation of privacy also. We don't have to do anything in front of you that has to prove a certain sexuality."

"How about you kiss them?" Roger brought up.

"NO!"

"Do it or you'll be locked up in your room for 2 weeks again." Roger narrowed his eyes.

I huffed. "I'll tell L that you're doing these things..."

"Do what you want. Now kiss them... Kiss Matt.. Pretend nobody's in the room.. That works.. Kiss like you do in the closet." Roger rested his elbow on his desk, chin in hand.

Mello turned to Matt then looked at Roger, "You're cruel.. You know that right?" Roger nodded. "Make sure Near and I can see." I looked over to Near, he was watching me. I looked at Matt and pulled him up, almost forcefully, wanting to get out of this place as soon as possible.

"Just pretend nobody's even here." I whispered to Matt. He nodded, then pressed his lips onto mine, grabbing to my arms. I really didn't expect my diary would end up in me doing this... Somebody has to know about this... Another part of the staff... Somebody... We deepened the kiss as I put my hands on his hips, and licked his lips bringing my tongue inside his mouth. He moaned as I caressed his sides softly. Tiny clicking noises could be heard because of our sucking on our lips.

I didn't know what Roger or Near were doing while we were doing this, and I really didn't care since I was supposed to pretend that nobody was in the room. Matt was doing an awfully good job at it though. I couldn't get it off my mind that people were watching. I never liked that.

Somebody has to know...

I pushed Matt away from me softly and looked at Roger then Near. Our lips were deep colored and swollen slightly. "Satisfied now Roger?" I asked him.

"Now you need to prove your sex with Near." Roger said, un amused.

"NO WAY!! That's just TO FAR Roger!! To far! I'm not having sex with him right here and now... AND NOT EVER AGAIN!!" I yelled, clenching my fists, getting ready to punch somebody. Matt sat back down in his seat.

"Would you prefer it somewhere else?" Roger asked.

"I'd prefer it NOT AT ALL!!"

"Would you prefer your 2 week lock up?"

"It's better than having sex with Near again!" I yelled.

"Mello.. Calm down.." Matt said from behind me.

I turned around then now of course I regret it.. But I yelled at Matt, "SHUT UP I can do what ever I want!!" I turned my head away from him, shaming myself, thinking 'why the hell did I do that...'

All was quiet in the room until I finally decided to break the short but seemed like a long silence. "Is it required?" I asked Roger.

Roger looked confused for a second, "What's required?"

"Do I have to prove my sex with Near?"

"Yes you do... Or there will be punishments like the locked up in your room for two weeks or more."

More weeks that two? Hell.. I cant last that long... I'd hate it if I was locked for more than two weeks.. I almost went nuts! But I gain my cool.. By doing other things.

Well I'm skipping some things... My hand is getting tired of writing... Not much happened except that we had gone into a different room and I was literally FORCED to prove my sex with Near... And Matt had to watch... Fuck.. Near.. He had no emotion on his face what so ever until he came at the end... Just a soft little moan and a jerk of my body was all I did.

We were sent back to our rooms, we're confined for two more days..

Oh boy.. I'm laying here on my bed, writing with my black gel pen that's almost out of ink that's to all this writing.. I'm in tears.. Not making myself look ridiculous though.

Yes the sniffing and wiping of the face... That in tears.. Not the cryin- oh what ever... I'm going to bed... It's 2 in the morning... I told you today was about his own sexual pleasure... Night...

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D: Zomgeee luff j00 people who are favoriting and watching me xD Keep reviewing lol . NO FLAMES.. I had this last person send me one... -.- No flames or you'll get bitched. BADLY D Either by me or my Matty. . Keep story watching and reviewing people lol xD It makes the world go round and makes my stories more interesting!!


	12. January 16, 2006

January 16, 2006

Once again.. Bored as hell... Waiting for me to be un-confined from this fucking room... I didn't do much today.. I just basically stared out my window at the people walking past. Some of them looked up at me, and I decided to play a game to see if it'd actually work. I NEEDED to get out!

I screamed at them with fake crying, "Please! Help me! Get me out of here! Please!" and with the "You don't know what they're doing to me in here" yelling excuses.

... It didn't work...

God damn it...

But it's true... They DON'T know what's happening to me in here... Hell.. I was FORCED TO FUCK A CLASSMATE!!

OUCH GOD DAMN IT! MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!! UUUGGHHHH!!

WHY THE HELL DID I DO THAT!?

I just punched a wall! GOD DAMN IT!!

Ugh... I need to bandage it up... Write later.. Not much to write at all actually so I wont write at all.. Unless something actually happens...

... Yea...

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A.N.: This took... 3 minutes... Dx He's confined in a room! I didn't know what else to do.

I'm running out of ideas... Feel free to give me some Dx.

Please review and story watch please :D It makes the world go round and please give me ideas for my story to be interesting o.o;;; I'm going nuts here with all my school work that piling up on me because of this story xD


	13. January 17, 2006

January 17, 2006

Looks like my hand is broken... Wonderful huh... Well thank god it's my left hand and not my right.. I wouldn't be able to write in this fucking piece of crap diary if it was my other hand.

They let us out today.. Early.. maybe Roger finally finished his 'all day jack off' to all the things that we had done 'me and near'.

I highly doubt this is a broken wrist.. It's probably badly sprained. I have a wrist brace on it.. I can still write but my hand writing would look really fucked up if it was my right.

The first thing that I did today was go over to Matt's room... Matt and Near were the first people to be let out.. I was let out an hour later... Well anyway, I barged into his room and embraced him. He dropped his old gameboy onto the floor with the sudden pressure on his back.

_M-Mello?_

_God damnit Matt! I was so fucking BORED without you!_

_I was.. about to come get you..._

_Really?! Well you sure didn't seem to be in a hurry!_

I was royally pissed at him for being so slow at it. But I forgave him through a good series of sex tricks (We didn't have sex). I shouldn't be doing this at this age... Puberty's really hitting hard! What the hell am I going to do with myself. I'm just laying here in bed with my Matty, waiting to get tired to go to sleep. I wonder what Roger would do if he found out me and Matt were sleeping in the same bed together...

I really need to hide this diary better...

I'm starting to suck at hiding things now...

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WOAH!! I didn't realize how much of a delay that was D: I'm soooooo sorry people xD. Thank you for the ideas! But I had already had this typed up o.o;; So then 18 is a new day. xD I'm wondering what I should make them do now. Roger's such a perv.. Maybe they should walk in on him jacking off... Who knows! Please review and story watch please. Reviews make the world go round and gives me many good ideas for my stories! Thank you!


	14. January 18 to 19, 2006

January 18-19, 2006

So I woke up today... Nothing out of the ordinary... Matt was beside me still sleeping... I was still in my weird position of sleeping as always... On my stomach, arms sprawled out beside me.. Half of my face squished into the pillow... My right leg usually trying to cling onto something.. That something was Matt this morning. My leg was like.. TOTALLY Wrapped around him!

Well anyway... Just a normal get up. We went down to breakfast and once we got into the room.. Everything was silent... Oh and I knew why... I heard somebody whisper... Everybody knew about me and Matt damnit! They had peeked into the room and saw us sleeping together!

Matt just walked into the lunch room, paying no mind to the people around him and their stares. I minded though. So after the first minute... I bursted..

"What the fuck are you looking at?!" I yelled at everybody.

Then the room was all talking.. Heh.. Everybody looked away from us and started talking amongst themselves.

I smiled and grabbed Matt's hand. Fuck it.. Who cares if they know now.. If they don't.. Then it's about time the start learning about it. We received many many stares from others. We went over to the lunch line and got our food. Then, we went to our usual eating spot, in the back with nobody there. We now share food so it's not that complicated if everything was gone on one plate and the other was full but they didn't want to eat it.

"Why did you grab my hand in front of everybody?" Matt asked me.

"It's about time everybody knows.. They're gonna find out eventually."

"They're going to think negatively of us now..."

"They've always thought negatively of us."

"They're gonna think we're pussies now..."

I laughed at what Matt said.

"Yea so what... I can handle it.. I'm still the same person.. I can still kick ass."

But then.. Roger came into the lunch room... And at that instant I sunk down into my seat.

"Heads up.. Rodgays in the room..." I pointed at Roger.

"Yep.. There's Fager" Matt agreed.

"Pleeaaaasse don't come near us... I don't want to fuck Near again..." I pleaded quietly.

"Jeez... I hated watching you do that." Matt said as we watched Roger walk across the opposite side of the room that they were on.

"I couldn't stop it from happening Matt... Plus the first time with me and Near was an experiment. He wanted me to do it."

"I know."

"I'm not ready for us yet though... It's not the right time.. I'm not rushing things.. I don't want to rush things." I smiled at Matt, then grabbing his hand under the table. "It'll be your choice too. I don't want to force it."

"I'm ok with any time," Matt smiled at me.

"I'm glad you're ok with it then." I laughed slightly. "I'll surprise you one day... If you're gonna be ready or not."

Matt nodded to my suggestion.

I guess we didn't notice.. But Roger just like.. MAGICALLY appeared in front of us... We let go of each others hands in an instant as we noticed. Our faces went pale.

"I want to see you two boys in my office again... RIGHT after breakfast session is finished." He left after he said that.

Me and Matt were trembling.. "Not again" Matt mumbled to me.

So when breakfast session was over.. We headed towards Roger's office.

I opened the door and stepped inside, Matt followed me.

"You two were sleeping together last night." Roger said.

We were shaking terribly, our heartbeats were racing as we thought they were soon to pop out of our chests and do a cross country run in 5 seconds. I gulped, knowing that this wouldn't be good.

Matt nodded at Roger, "Yes... But we just slept.. We didn't do anything sexual!"

Roger didn't buy it.

"Seriously!" I said, trying not to have Matt get all the blame. "We didn't do anything except sleep!"

"You guys kissed. That's not sexual?" Roger asked.

"Not if you don't want it to be!" I said.

"Well... That's just a matter of opinion now isn't it?" Roger shifted himself in his chair. You can't see under his desk because it's on the ground like.. All the way.. So we couldn't see what position his legs were in. I'm sure they were spread though. He was probably rubbing himself.. Sick bastard.

"You guys have already proven yourselves to be together... Why don't you do it again? To be sure that last time wasn't a hoax... Or this sleeping thing... Was just a coincidence."

I could tell Roger was laughing his ass off inside.

"What do you want us to do?" Matt asked quietly.

Roger showed no emotion when he said this... "Show your love to each other... Have sex."

"NO!" I yelled at him. "Neither of us is ready for sex yet!"

Oh shit.. This scared me really bad... He got up out of his chair and walked around his desk and to us. I shook so bad! My breathing became short as I stared up at him. He looked at both of us then stood in front of me. Sure I'm old enough now to fight back when somebody like... Grabs me and stuff. But... I can't fight him... We'll get kicked out or locked up in our rooms for months... He turned to me and grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled me up out of my seat. I had no idea what Matt was doing but I'm sure he was trying to help me. I could hear him yelling but I was to busy concentrating on Roger pulling my hair to oblivion.

"Stop it Roger! Stop it now!" I heard Matt yell.

Roger didn't listen. He pulled my face up to his then.. Oh disgusting.. He pressed his old and wrinkly lips to mine. I tried to scream and get away. He still had hold of my hair so I couldn't move. Tears streamed down my face as I felt Roger parting my lips with his tongue. I totally freaked out as he did so. I tried hitting him but remembered the how ever many month lock up. I could only cry, and listen to Matt's cries, screaming for Roger to stop.

I don't think I've ever cried that hard in my life...

When Roger stuck his tongue in my mouth, I gagged and nearly threw up. He tasted like an old sweaty man! I made a choking noise as he pulled me closer to him and angled my head so he could stick his tongue farther in my mouth. I wanted to bite his tongue so bad...

Matt wailed and fell to the ground on his knees crying, he leaned against the desk not knowing what to do with the situation.

He pulled away from my lips, and I made a noise like I was gonna choking and puking at the same time. But I didn't. Roger smiled at Matt. I looked down at him on the floor, still crying. Roger let go of me and I pushed away from him, nearly tripping over the side of the chair. I fell against the wall and screamed as Roger kicked Matt over and knocked him out. He came back over to me after he made sure Matt was unconscious. He smirked at me. The door was right behind me, I looked up at it but it was locked. It was one of those weird locks where it's not a turn lock. It's a key.. I reached up for it quickly as Roger walked towards me slowly. It was locked... Since when did it lock automatically?

He grabbed me by the hair again and yanked my face up to his as he knelled down in front of me. His lips crashed on mine again, but knocked me down farther to the ground. He got on top of me and grinned evilly.

"Why are you doing this to me!?" I screamed at him.

"You're such a disobedient child! It's time for your next lecture!" He said as he unzipped my vest. He pulled it off of me when I tried to keep it on.

I struggled against him and cried more. God.. I'm not a crier... I was just scared to death!

His hands went to my pants as he kissed my neck. He undid the ties on my incredibly tight pants, then peeled them off like it was my second skin. Fucking leather...

"Matt wake up! Please! Help me!" I screamed. "Please help me!"

Seeing that I don't wear underwear... Isn't a good thing anymore because of this reason... I think I need to start... He gets turned on by me... I'm going to prevent from wearing leather from now on... Skin tight leather... one size to small!!

Roger unzipped his pants and pulled his.. Old, wrinkly, flabby, wilted, disgusting cock out. Didn't look all old, wrinkly, flabby, wilted, and disgusted when it was hard though. It looked just.. Old.. wrinkles were all stretched out by.. You know when a cock gets hard it gets bigger... So yea... It filled in all the extra skin. It was still disgusting though.

He pumped it in his hand slowly, looking all over my body then stopping at my cock. He reached out a hand towards it and I flinched as he took a hold of it.

I had the brace on my wrist... I wanted to hit him with it so hard.. But it would hurt me more...

"Stop it!" I screamed, trying to get away. He just hit me on the side of my face hard. I yelled out in pain.

He started pumping my cock in the same rhythm as his.

... You know...

I really don't want to explain all of this... He raped me okay? ... And he did it hard... I'm in so much pain right now it's unbearable... It's 3 in the morning.. I started writing this earlier at 12:30 pm... I got away from him when he was finished... I got my clothes... I got out of there around noon.. Since me and Matt... Went in there around ten. We have breakfast at nine.

I left and ran straight to the showers to sterilize myself. But before I got in the shower... I puked my guts out... Shit... In the shower... I scrubbed hard enough to make my skin bleed. I used so much fucking soap it seems impossible. I cleaned my ass so good.. I was afraid I'd never be able to shit again. I rinsed my mouth out with an entire bottle of Listerine. 'Rinse for 60 seconds'... Fuck 60 seconds! I rinsed for 5 fucking minutes!! I even swallowed some mouth wash on purpose to rid the old man bacteria inside of me.

I got dressed, then brushed my hair. I could tell that not as much was there... Roger had pulled so much of it out...

I went into one of my drawers and grabbed a bottle of antibacterial, and antibiotic pills. Dosage said 1 but I took two of each.

So I'm sitting here right now... I can still feel his hands on me...

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LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN FOR THIS STORY Dx Uggghhh! Roger is THE WORST PERV EVER!! Even worse than Watari...

Please review, and story fave! It gives me ideas! o.o Oh and this was SUCH a good idea.. THANK YOU WHO GAVE ME THIS IDEA!! I ADORE YOU MIKAMI-SAN!! :D


	15. January 19, 2006

January 19, 2006

Um... I'm surprised I haven't lost this book yet... I'm in a weird mood right now so don't mind me... I had a good night's sleep after what happened yesterday. I'm nice and cleaner that I'm sure I've ever been. All is right with the world with me right now.. Besides the fact my ass hurts like nails on a chalk board.

I can't find Matt... I'm worried about Matt... What if... What if Roger... Oh no... I need to find him! It's just morning so... SHIT!


	16. January 20, 2006

January 20, 2006

FUCK! My diary was stolen from me again! God damnit! Well I looked everywhere for Matt... I found him... He was outside behind the orphanages dumpster... Bleeding, clothes less, heart broken, starving. I remember now that... I was the one that ate most of his breakfast the other day... He hardly touched his food. He's been out side for 2 days...

So I brought him inside... I cleaned him up in the shower... I didn't want to touch his ass... So he did that himself. Heh. Looked like he cleaned himself better than I did. His skin was beet red when he came out of the shower. He was limping pretty badly... Then I remembered he hadn't had anything to eat.. So I gave him some of my left over food from this morning. I went to breakfast.. He didn't. I told him to rest as good as he could today.

I'm laying beside him right now... I asked him if he wanted to write down what happened to him. He said he wants to... So... Here's what he wrote.

Just a normal day.. Besides everybody at breakfast and that shit...

We were sent to Roger's office. He talked to us about our 'sleeping together'. He threatened that we had fucked that night.. We didn't. We're not ready for that yet... He told us to prove it that we were together... We had already proven it! Mello bursted out a loud 'NO'... Roger got up and walked to us from behind his desk. God we were shaking so bad... He looked at us both then he grabbed Mello by the hair and pulled him up out of his seat. As I watched Mello grabbed by his hair... I screamed... I didn't know what to do.. I wanted to fight for Mello. I screamed for Roger to stop.

I saw him kiss Mello. I felt like puking.

I kept screaming for Roger to stop what he was doing. Then... Oh god... Most disgusting thing in the world... I did a wail like scream, and fell to the ground on my knees crying, I leaned against the desk not knowing what to do with the situation.

Roger pulled away from Mello's lips. Then I heard Mello make a weird noise like he was choking or throwing up. He didn't though.

Roger smiled at me... Mello looked down at me, he was crying. Roger then let go of Mello as he pushed away, almost tripping over the side of the chair.

... I saw Roger walk towards me, I tried backing away but I'm to GOD DAMN FUCKING SLOW! Ouch ouch ouch... Never doing that again... I just hit my head on the wall behind me... Really hard... Ouch...

Well.. Roger kicked me in the side of the head and then.. Everything just went.. Black... I can't remember anything until I woke up... I woke up about... I don't know how much later it was... It was uh.. ten when we went in there.. and it was... noonish when I woke up.. I was naked and sprawled out on the floor... I tried to sit up but Roger slammed my head on the ground with his fist. His other fist... God.. It was... -sigh- GOD IT FELT LIKE HE HAD HIS FULL FIST UP MY ASS! His mouth was around my dick.. It felt like he was gonna suck it right off, he was sucking so hard. It hurt! Now that I look at my dick.. There's bite marks on it.. And yes.. It still hurts. My ass hurts more though.

He looked up at me. I looked down at him and growled. Ooohhh How I felt like taking a piss in his mouth. He had my dick far enough down his throat I'm sure he wouldn't have noticed. So... Heh.. I faked pre-cum and pissed in his mouth slowly. I could have laughed my head off when I heard him swallow. But then.. I actually did feel close... That's what he wanted... Us to come in his mouth.. Sick bastard.

I defiantly gave him what he wanted though.. And more. He still doesn't know. His fingers inside of me twitched at that spot and made me scream. He did it again.. And again... Over and over again. Until I couldn't breathe. I came again inside his mouth... It continued on until I was like.. I couldn't cum anymore.

He finished his fucking me and shit... I don't even want to describe it so I wont... It was to disgusting for describing.

I left... Grabbed my clothes... And just ran... I ran outside.. Didn't care where the fuck I went. I just ran. I ended up behind the orphanages dumpster. I didn't want to move from that spot for the rest of the day. I didn't... Yesterday... I was hurting to bad to move. And feeling just to horrible to get up or anything... I stayed.. Hungry has HELL!! It was until this morning Mello came and got me... I'm glad he did. I love him so much for that... Yea.. So long.. Diary.. Mello's.. Diary... Didn't know he wrote in one of these for this long of a time.

So.. Yea that's Matt's side of the story... Not much is going to happen today... I'm not leaving my room.. My door is locked... It will be for a long time...

Fuck.. We're in pain...

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DONE WITH THIS CHAPTER D Lol last one was short. Please review and story favorite please! Story watch.. what ever it's called.. To lazy to look. It makes the world go round and my ideas better.


	17. January 31, 2006 END

January 31, 2006

I can't stand it here anymore... It's not just the owners... It's everything...

Tomorrow is Matt's birthday... I don't even want to know what Roger's gonna do... I need to get out of this place as soon as possible.. Matt's coming with me! We're getting out of this hell hole... I don't know when... But very... Very soon...

I'm crying because of the past few days... These are some things that have happen since I wrote last...

1. I got a un-announced hair cut... I only have a centimeter of all my hair left... I no longer have my long blond locks...

2. Matt got some of his hair actually ripped out. Then the rest of it shaved off like mine.

3. Matt's wrist is dislocated...

I don't know what to do... With my hair gone I Look like a freak... Matt's hand barely works... Yes the nurses here fixed it.. But it's still painful for him to move it.

... If anybody finds this diary... If we die... Please understand what we went through... Understand the pain I'm feeling right now...

Please help us... Somebody... Please...

Ugh.. I'm crying... That's the last thing I should be doing... Matt's been crying almost constantly lately. He's been saying that he shouldn't have chosen this orphanage to live in... He chose it?... I never got to choose... I was brought here when I was 5... Been tortured here ever since... My mother never knew... She brought me here because she couldn't raise me herself... My father had left her because of the stress... I never met him.. But I've seen pictures of him.. He looks so much like me... Or I so much like him... I have none of my mothers features... That's probably another reason why she got rid of me... I looked to much like him.

She left me with some things that I hold dearly to myself. A locket, bracelet, a picture of her, a wallet.. that I still use today I might add, and a small measuring tape that you use to measure your size.. Like your arms and waist.. Clothing measuring tape... It's turquoise. She used to measure me because she used to make my clothes... I go out and buy them now. I don't have much of a selection though... Black jeans... And a black, long sleeved top... Boot's that I applied a steel horse shoe type thing on the bottom of my boots that made my walking or running louder with a clink. I don't wear any old boot... A leather combat type boot... Platform?... It's a zip up on the side. The heel makes me 4 inches taller than I actually am... The part of the boot.. Not the heel.. But yea.. Is 1 inch platformy... Thing. Then there's the steel horse shoe thing on the bottom of the heel and platform thing.. Which adds about a half inch onto my height. Good thing I can run in them... Seeing on the stuff that I need to run away from here... Oh yea.. The heel and platform thing is see through... Like glass... Really hard plastic? So... Yea... She just got me thing's laying around the house that I really liked... Just normal things. Nothing special.

Yea that got off topic..

Her picture is on my night stand beside my bed. I don't know how tall she was because when I was with her.. I was only 5 and you know.. Five year olds aren't that tall. I don't think she was really tall though. My father was pretty big compared to her. She had strawberry blond hair, with some brown mixed in. Her facial features are very soft like her bone structure. Her rather small jaw and tiny nose. She had big soft pink lips, and when she smiled... She had perfect teeth. Though she wasn't the skinniest person in the world, she was quite skinny but when she sat down her tummy had a little tubby there. I remember that I loved to poke it. We would laugh so much together... When I said I loved her, her smile went away though... I always asked her what was wrong. She always said it was nothing, then she said she loved me back. I now know why she was sad. She loved me so much, she didn't want to leave me. I had a baby sister... She was 2 when I had left. And I had an older brother that was 7... But he had left to live with my father. I don't know how he's doing... I don't know how my sister is doing... I don't even know their names. But I do know they all started with an M. I think my sisters was Mellonie... And I think me and my brother have the same name... Mihael... I don't want to be called Mihael because of that reason. There can't be two with the same name. It says on my birth certificate that my name is legally Mello. I think Roger had it changed to Mello to protect my actual real name.

I can't remember my father. I only have a picture of him and I hardly remember spending any time with him what so ever. I don't think I ever met him. In the picture he looks so much like me... Long blond hair a little past the chin... Well I used to have that long of hair. He has a strong bone structure, and very pleasant blue-green eyes. He had perfect teeth too. I distinctly remember my mother telling me that he had braces when he was younger. One of his teeth, a canine on the left side, had a ruby drilled in. It shows in the picture. The light shining off of it. I know he took good care of it. Mother told me that he took it off of his wedding ring and put it inside of his tooth... To remind himself that he was always my mothers... I wonder if he had it taken out because he wasn't with my mother anymore. I wonder a lot about my father. If I ever meet him I'll have to catch up...

I'll have to meet my brother Mihael too... He's 16 now I think... Mellonie is probably 11.

Yes I still get letters from my mother... I haven't recently though. She includes pictures of herself. I write back, but we're not allowed to send pictures of ourselves to anybody for security reasons. I don't know why she only sends pictures of herself when Mellonie is with her... Or is she... I'll ask her when I get a letter from her again. My last one was sent on October 10th.

I don't know what else to say...

I don't know much about Matt's family.. He hasn't told me anything besides that he got to chose where he went... And his parents were still together. But his father hated homosexuals. So he made Matt leave. His mother wasn't happy about it... My mother doesn't know I'm gay... I wonder if it runs in the family.

Yea oh well..

I decided to say all of this now because...

I don't know if... If I'm going to be able to write in this again...

If anybody finds this... Now you know what my life is like... My true feelings.

Please save us...

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NOOOOOO IT'S THE END!! Dx I know, I know! You all hate me -.- BUT!! There will be a sequal!! :D Author favorite me and you'll know what it is! It's gonna be called 'DA it's over'. It will be another diary entry story like this, except it will be in Matt's point of view 2 years later. Since Matt has a better attitude . there will be faces like 'xD' and '.' in there. Duhhh.. Diary entry. :D I promise that one will be much better than this one . . Please review and send me a message if you wish! :D I love to get them so don't hesitate! If you have any questions or need information please message me on my page. Thank you! :D Feel free to give me ideas!


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